The Wooden Spoon Conspiracy
(a contemporary perspective of modern fear-mongering)
by Wesley Addison
Many know the traditional terror of being threatened by the nefarious kitchen Wooden Spoon. Our parental control figures seemingly bear down on us with it to impose their will. It is the threat alone that causes most to put down their resistance. Do not be fooled! It is not the will of your parental control figure, but the will of the wooden spoon! The spoon, sensing the free-minded behavior in the youth, calls out to the parental control figure. It commands its wielder to hold it high and shout out orders intended to "discipline" the child and correct it's freethinking behavior. The mere presence of the Wooden Spoon inspires awe in all who see it revealed in this form. After being satisfied that "proper order" has been reestablished, the spoon then wills the parental control figure to return it to it's ever watchful position.
Since the dawn of human kind the wooden spoon has held its tenacious grip over civilization and the worlds people. Ancient cave paintings reveal the Wooden Spoon being used to control the masses and Egyptian hieroglyphs show the spoon commanding the building of the pyramids. The Egyptians revered the spoon as a holy item and images of it frequently displayed the Wooden Spoon on its wall hanger, placed to see all that goes before it. Below is a picture on papyrus of the spoon with a cartouche that reads "OBEY" (take notice of the All Seeing Eye in the center of the spoon).


In modern times the influence of the Wooden Spoon spans the globe and controls the actions of billions of people through the kitchens of corporations, governments, and homes. It's minions number in the billions and unifies the world from nation to civilization (for better micromanagement), all while still helping to stir the batter that makes the cookies that warm your belly!! The Wooden Spoon has dominated and twisted the will of humanity for to long! Rise up and throw down your wooden spoons! Stand up to the Wooden Spoon and say "NO!"
It is time to think for yourself and open your eyes to the Order of the Wooden Spoon. The high priests of the Order of the Wooden Spoon can generally be found wearing their aprons and brandishing the spoon. The order regularly convenes to discuss matters of global domination, thought control, and how to properly network for business. Below is an archived image of what is known as The Great Spoon with an inscription which reads "ho aischros labetto" (let the ugly person receive me).


Through the centuries many secret societies and spiritual orders have had great reverence for the spoon. The Rosicrucians, Skull & Bones, and even freemasonry have art suggesting a higher understanding of the Wooden Spoon. A 'deep insider' once told me that the bones that cross the skull in the infamous emblem were originally meant to represent four spoons pointing to the corners of the earth to represent dominion over the world. Below is an image of a mason reaching for the spoon.

There is no question that the Wooden Spoon has been with us for quite some time. It dominates us, forces us to do its will, and convinces us to like it. How does this happen? What power does this spoon have over us!? FEAR, and fear alone. Think. It is the only true power the spoon has over you. Fear. Would you prefer to be dominated by them or remind the forces that be of the truth… the people should not be afraid of the spoon, the spoon should be afraid of the people! Wake up and look around! Use the same fear tactics the Wooden Spoon does against it. Make the spoon fear you! And finally, after you have overcome your fear of the spoon and learned to make it fear you… you will realize yet another truth…

There is no spoon.
~WA